Open Doors

My life is perfectly ordered. I don't like change, I don't like to step out of the box. For many of you that know me, I prefer to never rearrange anything. I like to keep couches, TVs, beds, dressers etc. in the same spot day after day. Boring I know.

Yet, I am feeling called to change. Not sure what that is yet, but I am praying for clarity. A friend is currently selling their house. It is my dream house. I would love to snatch it up in a heartbeat, but it is double what we could ever afford. It holds everything I have ever wanted - outdoors, acreage, beautiful kitchen, seclusion, peace. Yet it would change us all drastically!

Have you ever been moved to pray for something so crazy you wonder where it came from? I am embarking on a new bible study with my friend. Trusting God is what we are working on. Perfect timing for the decisions, wouldn't you say? I know God wants what is best for me and my family it is the trust part that has me freaked out! To step on the edge of all that is safe freaks me out. Yet I do firmly hold to the knowledge that if I step out for Him and His will I will only fall into His arms - into safety.

Life is uncertain. It can end as quickly as I hit "publish". Lord I want to know that I have done everything in my power to trust and follow You. Lord you have always held my by your boundless grace, please don't stop now!

What is in a Father?

1 John 3:1 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

Proverbs 20:7 - The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.

We talked last night in our life group about a time in our lives when a huge gap caused us grief. My first thought was when my Daddy went to the Gulf War in the 90s. It was at a critical age for me - those teenage years. It wasn't his choice - he was deployed. Up until then, my brother and I were never away from our parents too often. Sometimes my parents had to leave for their annual 2 week military training, but my dad was pretty present in my life. He worked hard as a policeman, he hunted, he fished, he coached baseball, and he took care of the house. He worked hard to protect and provide for us. So, as you can imagine his leaving for almost 6 months was a huge gap. My mom (bless her heart) had so much to handle. A new puppy, a teenage hormone snotty girl, and young man and a household. I wasn't the best kid in the world. I didn't make the best choices back then, either. We lived in constant fear we would get "that call" he was hurt or lost or dead. We didn't have internet, cell phones, facebook, email, etc. We finally bought an answering machine in case we missed his call. Thankfully he came home. His loss away from me really took a toll and I tried to fill that void with alcohol, drugs, boys, friends, lying, etc. I am not proud of my choices. I was an angry young lady. Looking back, I know I blamed my parents for everything, but as a parent right now, it was not their fault. He was doing what he needed to protect us - to protect me. I didn't realize it at the time, but my Dad would lay his life down for me at any time.  Even today he would.



 Fast forward a few years. I meet this amazing man. I married him. With that marriage came his crazy gigantic family. I came from a small boring family. He has 6 siblings and millions of nieces and nephews. I just had my brother. The best part about his family was I was accepted. No one cared who I was, what I did for a living or what choices I made in the past. They all welcomed me right in. The best part of marrying this man - the father who raised him. I had a great Dad growing up, and now I had another great dad to continue to teach me, love me, and accept me no matter what. My Dad doesn't live near me, but new father-in-law lived mere miles away. Words can't describe this man. He didn't just love, he loved BIG. He spoiled us, he took care of us, he watched over us, he held us afloat, he accepted us. Every year before school started he took all the kids and grandkids for hair cuts and shoe buying. His treat. Every Christmas he bought the kids baby dolls, toy trucks, pajamas, clothes, socks, underwear, cologne and lotion sets, oven mitts, towels, food, and so much more. He donated to any charity he ran across. He gave us plastic cups and pencils at every holiday (yes those plastic cups are still used daily). He used to call us to come "shopping" at his house because he shelves were so full they were going to break. Every Sunday he brought me the Michaels coupon just because I asked for it once. He took us moms out for Mothers Day at Old Country Buffet. He took my kids to McDonalds. My favorite memory was the first time he met his grandkids from Ethiopia. His eyes lit up and were instantly filled with love.  One day that all changed. A brief three years later that light when out when he took his last breath surrounded by all of those who loved him. Not a day goes by that we don't mourn the loss of this man. He fought in Vietnam. He also protected his family and provided for his family. He took care of anyone in need.

I am blessed with two wonderful heroes in my life - my father and my father-in-law. These men are the epitome of what it means to sacrifice for others. They both suffer(ed) from health issues due to the wars the battled in. My father-in-law died because of these issues. My Daddy continues to struggle with his health. Yet, they still continued day to day loving us, providing for us and protecting us. Thank you Daddy and Dad Raskell. Without you, my life would be empty.

These men are just a brief glance at what our Father in Heaven is. God our Father also provides, protects and loves us. He holds us in His arms and rocks us to sleep when we are scared. He provides loved ones to support us, clothing, food, housing. All the needs we need in order to survive. He loves us even when we make bad choices. His love is NEVER failing, NEVER based on performance, NEVER gives up, and NEVER goes away. I may have lost my earthy father-in-law, but I will never lose the Father who created me. I am His masterpiece, designed only by Him. I am built beautiful because of His craftmanship, He has molded me in His hands, transformed me into where I am and Restored my brokenness with His Mercy, Grace, Forgivness and Gentleness. Thank You Father, for your unending Love.

I know many of you did not have good fathers. They were never there, they put conditions on their love, they had high expectations, they abused you, they lied to you, they left you, they abandoned you. Your True Father will NEVER do this. He is waiting for you - patiently and always. Take His hand and let Him lead you to repentance, redemption and restoration.

Thank you Jesus for this reminder today. Help me and my family to work through our loss of our father. Continue to pour out your Boundless Grace to me.

The Waiting....

Have you ever had to wait for something big to happen? Test results, job interview, a doctors call, or of the referral for a baby girl is coming. It can be so hard waiting to see if you are ok, if bills will be paid, if the cancers back, or if the adoption was approved.

On May 1, 2006 we got the call that a little girl was being referred to us for adoption. It was the best day of my life. About a year before, though, we got the call we can never have children of our own natural abilities. Who knew that after years of long suffering we would be blessed four times over with our beautiful Ethiopian children.

How much harder must it have been 2000 years ago when a small band of people gathered together mourning the loss of their Rabbi, their Savior, their Friend. But they didn't really know they were waiting for the resurrection. Imagine the loss of truly believing He was gone. He was their Healer, their Comforter, their King, their Leader. What were they to do now?

So as you wait to find out if your cancer is back, or you passed your math test, or your husband is coming home from overseas, or if your mother will survive, remember there is a promise you can always count on - Christ does rise and He is there again waiting to comfort, heal, hold, love, and be there as His dear children pass from this world. So remember that even if you are waiting - Jesus is waiting right with you and He is excited to share in the wait and the answers with you.

Lord remind me that even though this wait is temporary, your boundless grace will shine through.

Inspection of invasive species

I sit in training today learning about how to inspect boats for invasive species. - mussels, milfoil, etc. it amazes me at how quickly these species can spread!

Isn't it the same with sin? How easy can one lie or sin reproduce until it is out of control and you are covered head to toe in your nastiness? I know that when I start my morning off without God it is so easy to get covered in my sin. It all starts off innocently - just an irritation at my kids. But then by the end of the day I have yelled at kids, been unproductive at work and eaten sugar and fast food. Before I know it I live in my filth of my sin. As hard as I try, I struggle to shake it off.

So, in order to remove invasive species you have to spray them down with hot hot water, scrape them and search in every nook and crevice. If you don't get all of them they will continue to spread and the boats will be covered again.

So when I think about cleaning my sin I get discouraged because it is such a daunting task. But I hold to God's promise that He is with me always leading me an guiding me. So I use His leading to remove each sin from my body and my mind. I spray it, scrub it and sterilize it. It can be a long process but I have to hold strong that I can do it and make it through.

Lord remind me daily to cleanse my sin. Show your endless and boundless grace to me. Lead me to you path.

Strength by God

Tonight I got my third tattoo. I can't believe I actually have three of them! I must admit it is addicting. All day I prayed for strength to get the tattoo. I had second thoughts all day. Deep down I knew I needed to be there. I really felt called there. So as Pauli was getting the script for the letters down God entered that room and spoke through me to his heart.

For the next few hours I shared God's love, promises, hope and most importantly His will in Pauli's life. At what point he asked me if God gave me strength when I needed it. I answered truthfully and with confidence when I said YES! I explained God was there each step of my life. Even when I didn't believe He was there. I know, now, God has always and will forever be with me. I may not feel His presence, but I know He is with me always. I just have to remember that He is there ready and willing to help me and give me strength.

So Lord continue to pour out your Boundless Grace and give me strength each time I need it!