Loss of love

How many of you have lost love? My husband is always teasing me that I live truly believing in fairy tales. I keep asking him “Why can’t it happen?” He just chuckles.

 

When I first married Kenny, my ex-husband, I had a distorted view of the fairy tale. I didn’t need rescuing because I went no where, I was given everything I “needed”, our “castle” was all we needed, I was allowed to visit friends if I was good, and one time he even got me a little furry friend that I could talk to. Most importantly, the truth was, there was no one left to make my happy ever after. The tale was that I wasn’t allowed to leave without permission, I didn’t buy things for myself, he decided where we lived, and he almost killed my furry friend because of things I did.

 

Lately his lies have snuck back into my head. I am so disappointed they were still here! “You aren’t good enough! What kind of a person/wife are you? If you were just prettier maybe I would stay here. Why do you always fight with me? If you wouldn’t have questioned me NONE of this would have happened. You are worthless. You are so embarrassing. I can’t believe I have stayed with you this long.” The lies go on and on and on. I am still amazed that one human being can do so much damage. With each tear that fell, each beat of my heart, my dream of love and forever became distorted and a lie. How many of you have been there? Not just from abuse, but from the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job, a friendship, a home, a marriage, an innocent childhood. We all suffer from loss, but most importantly we suffer from the loss of love.

 

I am here today to tell you fairy tales ARE true! There is a prince charming who is ready to take you away. You just have to be ready for the bridegroom when he comes to claim his bride! He is clothed in white and comes on horseback. He is love. He is gentleness. He is humble. He is strong. He protects. He does everything we dream in a prince. He is Jesus – the lover of my soul. It has taken me so long to see this. I spent so many nights crying and wondering if love will ever find me. But He already had. He found me before I even existed. He was there during my dark times with my ex-husband. He was there when my heart was broken at the death of the ones I love. He is still here, wooing me into His arms. He is my protector, my strength, my shield, my Love. He will never let me down, He will never leave me, He will never lie or cheat on me, and He will never put me down.

 

I also have realized that part of my fairy tale is that Christ did pick an earthly prince for me. He may not always be truly a prince charming, but I am not always the wonderful princess. Last night while talking with God I kept asking Him “What am I doing wrong here? Why can’t I just figure this out?” He just kept saying “learn to love” over and over. So I turned to Isaiah 42 and read. I saw and learned what it means to love others even when I don’t want to. He showed me how to love patiently, love kindly, love completely, love quietly, love humbly, love respectfully and on and on. I continued working with God as to what part of loving I needed to work on each person in my life. How can I love George? How can I love Giovanni? How can I love my mother? At the very end of working through a pretty good list, I am now at how can I love Kenny, my ex? This is a tough one. I don’t know. But thankfully as my Prince and I dance tonight during prayer singing “I know you I danced with you once upon a dream!” He will probably show me how I can love my ex better, love him as Christ has always loved him.

 

So, ask yourselves, how can you love better? While you are held in your Prince’s boundless grace, learn to love like you never have before!

 

Sandra