Becoming Mary

I grew up as a Martha. You know her - worrying over chores, the house, the children, do I look good enough, does the house look good enough, am I doing everything I can good enough. Being a Martha was a good thing for so many reasons. I learned finances, organization, how to please others, and how to make others feel loved and wanted. I also learned the bad part of Martha lifestyle. I had to have control on every aspect of my life. I controlled my children, my husband, my household, my family and even some of my friends. Yet with all this control, my personal self was out-of-control. I lacked trust in anything or anyone. I trusted in me and my control only. I judged others on how they lived - how they behaved, raised, kids, spent money, etc. I was a stone thrower. Like Martha, I met Jesus. I had dinner with him and deep conversations in him. I learned to trust Him. I just didn't let his love flow through me and out of me in my actions. Over the years I started leaning on Him more. It wasn't Christ and me anymore it became Christ in me. My actions became solely based on His leading. His Spirit in me.

Over the last few weeks God has been reminding me of the story of Mary and Martha. Martha the busy works and helper woman and Mary the prayer and devotion woman. I always felt guilty for being a Martha, until I started to realize I can be both! I love to host people and serve them. But once they arrive at my home I will become Mary and focus on them and devote my time to them. I can do the dishes later that night or even the next day. This also extends to our children.  For so many years I focused on making sure the house was clean, dishes done, and everything was perfect. I missed out on times with my kids. Now I am trying hard to let the dishes go and play games with the kids. Or study my bible. Or relax with my family. Amazingly my stress level has gone way down. I don't overreact as much as I used to. I am starting to rebuild my relationships with the four younger children. My hubby and I are reconnecting.

I am still a work in progress. I just hope that when people see me they see Mary in me. I want people to want to be with me because they feel Jesus in me. I want them to share life with me and trust me. I have a friend that is so patient and kind. She reminds me to be the women Christ has called me to be. I also want to remember to not to lose Martha in me too. They both are Jesus' daughters and we are to learn from them.

So, for now, as I continue to be Mary in today's world, I know that no matter what I am held by boundless Grace.