Becoming Mary

I grew up as a Martha. You know her - worrying over chores, the house, the children, do I look good enough, does the house look good enough, am I doing everything I can good enough. Being a Martha was a good thing for so many reasons. I learned finances, organization, how to please others, and how to make others feel loved and wanted. I also learned the bad part of Martha lifestyle. I had to have control on every aspect of my life. I controlled my children, my husband, my household, my family and even some of my friends. Yet with all this control, my personal self was out-of-control. I lacked trust in anything or anyone. I trusted in me and my control only. I judged others on how they lived - how they behaved, raised, kids, spent money, etc. I was a stone thrower. Like Martha, I met Jesus. I had dinner with him and deep conversations in him. I learned to trust Him. I just didn't let his love flow through me and out of me in my actions. Over the years I started leaning on Him more. It wasn't Christ and me anymore it became Christ in me. My actions became solely based on His leading. His Spirit in me.

Over the last few weeks God has been reminding me of the story of Mary and Martha. Martha the busy works and helper woman and Mary the prayer and devotion woman. I always felt guilty for being a Martha, until I started to realize I can be both! I love to host people and serve them. But once they arrive at my home I will become Mary and focus on them and devote my time to them. I can do the dishes later that night or even the next day. This also extends to our children.  For so many years I focused on making sure the house was clean, dishes done, and everything was perfect. I missed out on times with my kids. Now I am trying hard to let the dishes go and play games with the kids. Or study my bible. Or relax with my family. Amazingly my stress level has gone way down. I don't overreact as much as I used to. I am starting to rebuild my relationships with the four younger children. My hubby and I are reconnecting.

I am still a work in progress. I just hope that when people see me they see Mary in me. I want people to want to be with me because they feel Jesus in me. I want them to share life with me and trust me. I have a friend that is so patient and kind. She reminds me to be the women Christ has called me to be. I also want to remember to not to lose Martha in me too. They both are Jesus' daughters and we are to learn from them.

So, for now, as I continue to be Mary in today's world, I know that no matter what I am held by boundless Grace.

Honor and freedom

What do you think of when you hear the word honor? I think of my father. He had honor when he fought for America, defended our streets as a policeman, and raised me to be the woman I am. I respect my father. I didn't always like him or his decisions, but I still tried to respect him. When we honor someone, we show them respect.

What about God? Do we honor God with our actions, words, and hearts? Do we recognize all He has done for us? It is so easy to honor God with our lips and our actions, but the fruits we do or do not produce indicated if we fully honor Him. My heart can be withdrawn, yet I can still praise God with my lips.

How easy it is to lose sight of the One who gave us life. How easy it is to lay blame on others and on God, rather than look at our own hearts. Why is it so difficult to let someone else be right? I know so many people who struggle with control. Controlling their spouses, their kids, their family members, co-workers, and God. I have learned from my own experience of addiction to control, that through what I thought was control of my life, I was really out of control.

Today I went for a walk during lunch. For the last year my body has not been in my "control". It has had a mind of its own. This I have no control in how I will feel at any time during the day. I am still mourning this loss. But that is for my other blog. Today I decided that no matter what my body said, I was going to walk. I missed the quiet time by myself thinking, praying, praising and just enjoying the beauty God has given us. I started my walk sad, upset, and down. I cried out to God asking him what to do. I didn't stop the words flowing from my brain. Then I remembered a sermon at church. The pastor reminded us sometimes we just have to shut up and listen. So I did. I shut my mouth up and listened to what God wanted to say.

Oh how freeing that is for me! He showed me how valuable I am. I am a daughter of His. I have his inheritance. No words can take away that love. He reminded me I am no longer bound as a slave to my old ways, my old thoughts, my old fears. I finally saw the truth He has been showing me for years - my worth is not determined by anyone but God. No matter who is mad at me, who doesn't like me, or who judges me for what I believe, I am a wonderful creation of God's. No one can EVER take that from me. No matter where I am or who I face, God sees me as His miraculous and beautify daughter. Nothing will ever change that. I need to honor that love with all my heart.

My life changed today. I no longer look for approval from man but from the one who truly created me. His love holds me up. His shelter protects me from those who want to harm me. His path is the right path to follow. Thank you Jesus for meeting me on a Monday afternoon. I needed the reminder again. I am always Held by His Boundless Grace. Nothing will ever change that.

Sanctification

Last night there was a meeting at my church for helpers, leaders and coordinators. It went through the essentials and non-essentials of belonging to our church. It was such a great reminder of what Jesus promised and desires for us and from us. It energized me to regain back my time with Him. Lately I have been lacking in my alone time with him. I think back to all the bible studies I used to belong to and lead and my relationship with my Savior was so deep. Of course the studies ended, we joined a church closer to home and one we felt was the biblical teacher God placed the desire in our hearts for. He told us to sit back and wait on Him. Wait for our next journey. At times I was impatient I know. I always was doing or serving or leading. It was so new to me! Mostly though, I cherished the time I had to spend with my family, to watch my kids grow, to hang out with my grandson and to build my sisterly relationships I hold so dear!

Now instead of "wait" I hear " GO!" Seek women hurting. Show them God's love and promises. Teach them how to trust   again. Teach them they are not alone. Women have so much being thrown at them. We feel like we are the only burden toting females around. Women are good at hiding their true feelings and believing they are the only ones that feel that way. For the last few years I have learned how wrong this is! All women struggle. We all struggle with self-esteem, worth, desire, love, trust, belonging, and so much more. We wonder if we are wanted and loved by our husbands, needed by our children, and if we have any true friends. These are all lies fed to us by satan! God teaches us we are cherished and loved and beautiful and worthy. Our husbands need us, our children cry out for us and our girlfriends need our friendship. Praise the Lord for these provisions in our life. 

Our pastor talked about sanctification last night. It is something we need to be continuously work on. The last few months have been hard. My body isn't cooperating and I am most days barely hanging on. I finally am seeing the impact this has on my mood and emotions. I am mad at God for having RA. I am mad that doctors can't find a cure. I am ticked that I am so limited to what I can do. Mostly I am sad how I let satan in to my attitude. So right now I am working on allowing God to change my heart. To trust in His provisions. To believe there is rest and peace for me someday. To let go of trying to get everything done I used to be able to. To allow my house to be a mess because that means we live in it. To allow my kids to enjoy life, not wonder what mood I will be in. I am working on expectations again. To not expect so much from everyone especially my children. Mostly to let go of worrying about my future. God is good and I know He has my back. His path is true. He recreates my walking steps. Turns them from mud of fear, envy, anger, etc. to clean with joy, trust, love and restoration. 

I am held by His boundless grace now and forever. 

Silent prayers

“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”

Galatians 5:25

Sometimes life just surprises me. Or I should say God. I was missing my girls (who are still in MT with my parents) and feeling kind of down. I have also been physically struggling again from my rheumatoid arthritis. Just a "blah" mood. Then I checked my email. 

God has blessed us with a trip to Colorado to visit the camp Ahnika went to this year. I was beyond shocked! I never dreamed we could be blessed like this. 

Sometimes it is easy to go on day by day and forget the power we have in Christ. I forgot to search Him out in my sadness and pain. I am shown again how He cares for His children. Scripture says He cares for us. It talks about how He even cares for the birds, so shouldn't we be more important and cared for? He knew what I needed before I did - and He heard my silent prayer of help. Thank you Jesus for your abundant blessings and provisions. 

It feels so good to held in His Boundless Grace. 

Teamwork

I have been working in St. Maries, ID for the last couple of years overseeing a environmental clean-up of creosote impacted soils and river sediment. There are many aspects to this project. Today I watched the installation of a sheet pile enclosure (YouTube it, it is exciting stuff!). To install it there is a 200 ton crane 3 barges, a vibrating massive hammer, tug boats and 8-10 workers. These men amaze me! They have to wear hearing protection because of the equipment noise. So because they can't hear each other they use hand signals. They HAVE to work together perfectly in order to be safe and to get the work done. It doesn't matter if they had a fight, or were tired or problems at home - they show up as a team and work together. It is courageous to me the work they do on open water!

It got me thinking how hard life can be to work as a team. I touched on it about family and home. But being on a team outside of the ones you love can be difficult. Some have difficult co-workers, or micromanaging bosses, or employees who don't show up. When one part of that team fails it can be disastrous to the group. 

The same goes for the body of Christ. Now, we live in a broken world. A world with sin, pain, fear, and darkness. But, when we brothers and sisters work together as a team we heal, bring joy and peace and most importantly light to cast out the darkness. When one of our teammates doesn't show up it leaves a gap. Sometimes it can't be helped so the other members have to fill in. Sometimes we lose a member to the fallen world and we have to reorganize. It is hard to be on a team. We don't want to fail or to have others let us down. But with Christs help we can see past these faults. So what if you don't like how someone prays, or how every group has an over and under talker, or that you don't like doing communion every week or not at all. That's not what the church is meant to be! We have to put aside our differences and serve as a team - Christ's team.

Remember brothers and sisters - we were chosen by God to be His children. For scriptures say:

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”

1 Peter 2:9 NLT

Be His priests to the people. Work together for God! Be His team in everything you do. Remember you are lives and you will always be Held by His Boundless Grace. 

Family Time - One Body

Every Sunday we have family night at our house. We started this years ago as our "big" kids were growing up, getting married and moving out. We wanted to still be able to see them and to have our family together as regularly as possible.  Over the years our family has grown - daughter in laws, grandchildren, family friends and other "children". I love Sundays. It is routine for us now. We get our coffee from Sipz, go worship the Lord, I grocery shop from my meal plan, I work in the yard or swim and make dinner. When everyone makes it over they play basketball, football, swim, and water fights. It is a perfect way to start the week. Summer family nights are the best. 

Tonight after dinner Nick, Caleb and Gio continued working on our wall/edging. They worked together to continue to get it done. Over Memorial Day my older boys redid our shed roof. Whenever we need something they are there for us. I love my family. They fill me with such joy. As I listened to the pounding of the tamper this evening it reminded me of Paul's words to the Corinthians about being one body. 

"But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, "I don't need you." The head can never say to the feet, "I don't need you."

If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part us honored, all parts are glad. 

1 Corinthians 12:18-21, 26

This is how God wanted family to be. As one body. Our daughters have been staying with Grandma and Grandpa Ru. Although I know they are having fun and well loved, our family here isn't whole. Our body is missing parts. My family isn't complete without all my children and grandchildren here. 

The same is true for the body of believers. When one person is missing or sick or lost, the whole body suffers. I know when my rheumatoid arthritis flares up, it isn't just my joints that are affected, but my strength, my concentration, my mind even! That is why it is so important we help each other in time of need. That we become the hands and feet for those who are struggling. God gives us gifts and we need to use them! If you have the gift of serving make some meals for new moms or families enduring loss or sickness. If you are a giver give to the community your time through crafts, reading to the elderly, or walking dogs at scraps. If you have a gift of prayer pray for your friends and tell them you did! If you have a gift of teaching volunteer at your church or a school. It took me a long time to realize my gifts. Sometimes we just need to ask those who are closest to us what they think our gifts are. Trust in God to show you your path. Know that He created the body we are part of. Trust that you are part of the body of Christ. That you are wanted, loved and needed! If you don't feel that you belong to the body of Christ reach out to me or any othe believe. We are all learning what it means to be followers of Him. 

Always remember you will always be Held by His Boundless Grace. 

Home

Home .... What does that mean to us? Some say it is a building where we sleep and eat, some say it is Spokane or Bozeman or West Yellowstone or Ethiopia, others say my heart but for me it is all those places and more! I grew up in Bozeman and moved to Spokane after graduating from college. I vacationed in West Yellowstone my whole life. I adopted four amazing children from Ethiopia. So yes those are all home to me. Home is truly where my heart is. My heart is spread out over all those places. I long to be in Ethiopia with our friends and my children's families. Two of my kids are still in Montana with my parents. I sit in my house loving the sound of rain and the quiet. These are all home. 

I offer another home - our eternal home. Heaven. God created the heavens and earth. Creatures and plants. He created Adam and Eve. He created a longing in us to want to be near Him. Through His promises we have a glorious home! Not a home filled with evil, hunger, hatred, betrayal, hurt, darkness or sadness. A home filled with joy, light, gentleness, trust, peace and love. This is my true home. I live on earth for as long as my time allows. While I am here I want to enjoy the blessings God has given me. I want to be the woman He created - a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. He is so gracious to us. Hold tight to His promises and try not to listen to the world. For this world is only temporary and it is not our true home, but heaven is eternal and our one true home. 

"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down, we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God Himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 

So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lorde. For we live by believing and not seeing. Yes we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord." 2nd Corinthians 5:1-2, 6-9

I CAN Do ALL Things ....

M

For the last week I have been in Montana at our family cabin. It is a place I have always known since I was a child. It is joy, comfort, peace, love, home. Whenever we come her we try to visit Yellowatone National Park. We are only 20 min from the west entrance of the park. This year my brother and his family joined our family here. We started out with a buffalo jam followed by the walk at artist paint pots and then stopped for a picnic lunch. It was awesome to see the scenery hang out with my gorgeous husband, my daughters and my niece. A bit later my brother, his wife and their youngest daughter left for Bozeman and Marlowe my niece stayed with us to go to the boiling river. I hadn't swam in the river since elementary school with Christine Planalp on our way to Cooke City. It was so different! What used to be a secret was know on the Internet. The "commercialized" it pretty well by creating pools and areas to sit and enjoy the hot water temperatures. Part of my problem was being barefooted. I was born with many foot deformities and had to handle many surgeries. So as you can imagine sharp rocks we not my friend. I thought I was so smart going down on my bottom until the flow got very fast. I almost took out a few people. Finaly I was able to find a steady spit and enjoy myself. After awhile i knew it was time to go. As I was moving upstream I kept losing my footing. I was tired, scared and at the end of my strength (physically and mentally). At one point I crab walked along the rock weir chanting in my head "I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13. With each time I spoke the words I fell Gods strength. I was so ready to give up!

The same goes for any of us. When else gave I wanted to give in and quit. But then I remember I can do ALL things in Christ. Even being surrounded by non believers and people telling me how I should think and what I believe.  I know the truth is God is the Father and His Son died for the atonement of our sins. We need to turn from our selfish desires and ways and trust God. There is one way, the truth and the light and no one comes to the Father except through Him. 

I pray next time you are in rough waters you will seek truth and trust in the One who sent you. The 

A time for everything

I have learned over the years that when I step out on my own, I lose. I lose my faith, my strength, my peace, my patience, and many days my love. I think I can do this on my own, yet here I am again broken asking God to pick up the pieces. I guess I forgot yet again He has ALWAYS had my back. Even when I was shoved down, put down, lost, searching - He was there. Some days I feel like I need to know I am "safe". Safe from someone who hurt me so deeply. Then I remember I am sheltered under His wings. He is my Rock. My past only defines who I have become, not who I am. I couldn't figure out what was bothering me all week (aside from the cold), until it slapped me in the face. I was obsessing about my past again. I was putting control back in his hands, not God's hands. God's hands are bigger than I can even image. They carried me through the abuse, the yelling, the fear, and the leaving. He was always present in my time of need. He is present here right now with me.

I have an amazingly blessed life now with my past behind me. My amazing husband protects me, defends for me, loves me and is my best friend. I have the best children, daughter in laws and grandson. My family loves me. My friends surround me love, prayer and support. But mostly My God has sustained me and set me apart holy. "I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength!" Phil 4:13.

To those women who are suffering, lean on God. Trust His path is the right path. His is straight and full of light. Keep your eyes on Him, He will never leave you. You are not alone! I am here to help you through your struggles. 

Be forever Held in His Boundless Grace

Open Doors

My life is perfectly ordered. I don't like change, I don't like to step out of the box. For many of you that know me, I prefer to never rearrange anything. I like to keep couches, TVs, beds, dressers etc. in the same spot day after day. Boring I know.

Yet, I am feeling called to change. Not sure what that is yet, but I am praying for clarity. A friend is currently selling their house. It is my dream house. I would love to snatch it up in a heartbeat, but it is double what we could ever afford. It holds everything I have ever wanted - outdoors, acreage, beautiful kitchen, seclusion, peace. Yet it would change us all drastically!

Have you ever been moved to pray for something so crazy you wonder where it came from? I am embarking on a new bible study with my friend. Trusting God is what we are working on. Perfect timing for the decisions, wouldn't you say? I know God wants what is best for me and my family it is the trust part that has me freaked out! To step on the edge of all that is safe freaks me out. Yet I do firmly hold to the knowledge that if I step out for Him and His will I will only fall into His arms - into safety.

Life is uncertain. It can end as quickly as I hit "publish". Lord I want to know that I have done everything in my power to trust and follow You. Lord you have always held my by your boundless grace, please don't stop now!